Putting Fears to Rest

Dear Fears:

You’ve been a part of my life for so long that you’re like an old pair of slippers that are so comfortable that I have a hard time letting them go.

For too long I thought that it was a fear of failure that plagued me, but over the years, I’ve realized that a fear of success overshadowed failure by a long stretch. That was quite a revelation! It shed a whole new perspective on what was holding me back.

Over the years I reached a certain level of success and then plateaued. I created a slew of stories about wealth and not wanting to be too rich because of what it would do to my ego. I associated large earnings with ego power and what it would do to family and friends. I connected it to divorce and family breakup. I saw it happen to many of my speaker colleagues, where their work took over from everything else in their life. I loathed seeing this. It upset me, and I vowed that I wanted to keep it far away from my life.

My ego resistance tried to hold me back from achieving more fame and fortune. So, what did I do to fight back? I hid. I hid from myself and from others. I created more stories of creative blockage. I must have liked my stories because they kept me safe from getting “too big for my boots.” And my ego won, while my success faltered. I let it win by my inaction.

I went into hibernation.

I stopped writing.

I stopped keeping in touch with clients and prospects.

I took the easy way out and did the minimum amount of work. Enough to make me feel as if I was doing something, but not enough to really attract business.

In hindsight, I believe that I repelled work from entering my life. Occasionally, a client snuck in, but far fewer than I really wanted and needed to help pay the bills. Instead, I sank further and further into debt, as the credit card expenses rose.

Looking back on my behavior, all I can do is laugh at my silliness. I fell in love with my stories. The big fat ugly witch played her part, hovering over me casting her magic spell to keep me safe and sound. She succeeded then, but not now. I’ve moved on with my life because I realize that the only thing or person that can and will hold me back, is me, and only me.

I can either let my ego resistance hold power over me, or I can face my fears, my demons, feel the fear, and do it anyway.

We all have fears in one shape or another. Some people learn how to handle them, whereas others let the power overwhelm them, and create stories to convince them of why they can’t do something.

I’m grateful that now, after many years, I recognize how my stories are both a blessing and a curse. They kept me safe, yet at the same time held me back from sharing my expertise with others.

Believing in myself and the power to change my perspective allows me to now live life as a daring adventure.

My stories will always be a part of who I am, yet they no longer rule my life. I write my stories. I am in charge of how each story begins and ends.

As for the old stories that controlled me; may they rest in peace!